Just under a month ago, I quietly turned 29. It was the most low key birthday celebration in the history of my birthday celebrations. It was just what I needed but also a part of me felt 29 wasn't anything to celebrate. 29 is a ticking time bomb right? 337 days to make my 20's count. To be settled. To become a bonafide adulting adult.
I have always put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself on these penultimate birthdays. On the morning of my 24th, I got so overwhelmed that I started maniacally cleaning my kitchen before bursting into tears. The idea of having it together by 25 seemed so insurmountable that I fell apart.
I did my best to avoid that this year and aside from a tiny moment on my actual birthday where I stared into the mirror and said 'your best years are behind you', I have actually been kind to myself. I plan to relish the last of my 20's and actually enjoy the woman I've become. I've grown so much in the last 10 years. I feel rooted in myself and so much more certain. I can see clearly what I want for myself in a way that I couldn't 5 years ago. I can finally accept I'm a work in progress so I'm more forgiving when I make mistakes. These feel like mature adult woman feelings.
That being said I don't have the classic markers of adulting success. I don't have a car (I can't even drive - there was an incident with a go kart). I am nowhere near marriage let alone children. The idea of owning property is actually laughable. Without these things, I do feel like an underachiever. My peers are picking out wedding china and securing mortgages and I'm still struggling with the idea of marriage as a construct. It's difficult to work towards these adulting goals when *whispers* I'm not sure I want any of that.
Actually let me say it with my chest I'M NOT SURE I WANT ANY OF THAT. My comments are open so please feel free to carbon date my ovaries and make wild assumptions about my life choices. Anyway, what I do want is a successful business, a stronger relationship with my homeland and to finally find a natural hair salon in North London that I can have a long term relationship with. These are the things that will make me happy and I plan to glide into my 30's a very content woman.
Anyone else feeling the pressures of their impending 30s? Thoughts and feelings in the comments below and hit the like button if you enjoyed this post.